Saturday
I want to find the place where I can read my horoscope and have it tell me everything’s going to work out just fine and just like I want it to. Where can I find that? I say that and yet, I know well-enough from all the reflecting I’ve done on my life experiences to know I need to surrender to the flow and allow the Universe to bring to me the things that serve the higher vision. My own vision can’t help but be more limited than the grander one guided by the stars.
This week was just about as complex as the last few have been. Life certainly got more intense in 2013 and as the year progresses, the weeks seem fill more and more with the intricate weavings of a new life emerging - little glimpses here and there of what awaits me. Every time I turn around, I’m faced with another undeniable sign that things are already different and as soon as I stop resisting, my path to a new and better place will be revealed and then all I’ll have to do is step forward and I’ll be where I’m supposed to be.
During lunch with a friend yesterday, I confided in her the difficult choices I have in front of me and my frustration with myself for not being more brave, for not being able to leap ahead. She offered some comforting thoughts: perhaps it’s not about me not being brave and that maybe the big, bold moves aren’t quite what I need to be doing yet. Instead, perhaps I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to do - rest in place, and let it happen. I can take mini steps in the meantime and I can prepare and strengthen my heart.
I also spoke with an old friend yesterday - a best friend - one that I’ve known since childhood. We don’t talk too often anymore and although we were both trying for meaningful communication, our conversation left me feeling hollow. I couldn’t connect to her in the same way. I was not comforted by our chat and that ———- that was a huge sign to me:
it’s all different this time.
But you know what’s cool? Instead of feeling super worn out and defeated (like I’ve been feeling for the past month), I feel okay. I feel like I can handle this. I feel like I’m beginning to find my center.
(still wouldn’t mind finding that magical horoscope, though)
