i really need to make new friends. honestly, i don’t even have the energy to write out the “why” of that - i just do. and i could get all whoa is me about it, but i think it would be healthier to just chalk it up to, people grow, people change, and not everything is meant to last. or, if it is meant to last - your bff when you were 20 maybe just become your f in your 40s.
i was really disappointed my healing session needed to be cut short yesterday. she’s my friend and i want(ed) to be understanding, but i pay her - i don’t expect freebies. she was on the phone when i got there and after waiting 15 mins, we got interrupted after just 35 minutes because she’d double-booked. so essentially, i feel like she brought all this crud to the surface and then just left it for me to marinate in. she apologized, acknowledged she owes me the time, but at best that’ll happen friday and at worst, it’ll be next week.
meanwhile my hip/back is making some slow progress, but i cancelled class for today and tomorrow and that’s how you know i’m really in pain.
anymore, i just feel annoyed with/disappointed by my friends. and i really do try to use things like this as a mirror…what is it in me that is trying to reveal itself thru these friends and their actions and my response. what am i doing to bring this on? what did i do/am i doing to attract this? i think mostly i need to kinda stand up for myself…
…and therein, i believe, lies the deeper issue of my hip. it’s my left side (female). i think i’m deeply upset with my girlfriends and constantly trying to swallow it in order to not make a fuss, avoid confrontation, be understanding of them. of course my hip has become a physical thing, but that meridian is blocked up because i’ve been holding anger, frustration, resentments. i can feel my bladder is involved in the blockage and that’s the meridian that runs thru the place in my hip that hurts. coincidentally, i’ve been, for the first time in ages, drinking enough water…so i’m flushing my system, but not letting it go and, well, here we are.
if you need me i’ll be here with my heat and ice…and ruminations.
six minutes til i have to get ready for class. omg not feelin’ it this morning. my hip/back thing will not go away. it was a lot better yesterday and then i taught afternoon class…i thought yoga was supposed to HELP. grrrrr. i’ve never had this issue before and because it’s my hip, it’s making me feel 100.
so after class i’ll hurry back and get ready for a 10:30 appt with sunday girlchat friend who is a holistic healer and we’ll see what she can do. she did the cups on me on sunday, but it was all of 10 minutes on her table and apparently, not enough. she’ll do hands-on today, but she’ll also clear my aura and do energy work and i know there are plenty of people who don’t believe in that stuff, but i’ll tell you - i do. not because i want to, but because i’ve repeatedly felt the effects - and not just with her. the first time i had energy work was when i was in my 20s and i barely knew anything about it and when i went for a massage the therapist asked me if i wanted it and i was like, “sure, i guess” and i went out of there in a delicious trance. i felt transformed.
i worked all yesterday afternoon on my breathing and meditation mini workshop for my time with the ladies at the detox center on thursday. i feel ready.
husband and i are talking about going to europe this summer. i mean, we’ll see, but he’s super gung-ho about it. we were gonna do a week in Los Angeles for my birthday next month, but when we started planning and looking at what it was gonna cost…for L.A.? a place i’ve been? i mean, don’t get me wrong, i love L.A. and it’s been a long time since i actually spent time there (i used to go all the time when i was in college in Santa Barbara), but i cannot spend that kind of money on L.A. so i said, out-loud, “holy crap, if we’re gonna spend that kinda money, we might as well go to Rome” - and that’s how the idea was born. we haven’t traveled anywhere but to see my family in ages - it would be so good for us and we’ve been so good about not spending money for such a long time. so we’ll see.
